Dissonance so quiet
sometimes painful
it haunts from decades past
looms from decades future
We remain witness to the primality of our kind
Consciousness experiencing itself
wrapping the only truth
around the greatest gift
we all possess
It is brutal
it is tender
We were the point of everything
and also nothing at all
All was tired
except for the clinging to what remained lost
my vision became narrow
adrift
in the sea of my own mind
there was no way out
I was lost
completely
Then we realized we had never been found
not alone
not with each other
not in our work
not in the land
not in the love we feel for another
Because all exists to end
and yet we exist to begin again
All exists to end and yet
we exist to begin again
Begin again
Again

Stream of consciousness writing while pondering themes of identity, hope, fear, resilience and ignorance is what created the narrative for this piece.

From COVID-19 to climate change, from police brutality to the possible overturning of Roe v Wade, from findings of a corrupt government to the war in Ukraine, I don't know anyone that hasn't at one point felt like a simple witness to the errors of humanity, or perhaps a victim, feeling powerless to make any lasting change. There is great pain in this, and I knew it was time to acknowledge it within myself. I also felt very strongly that it was time for all of humanity to do the same thing. How is it that we are still here? What can we do to make it worth it to be here? Is serving our instinct to survive really worth it anymore?



I did not wish to be blissfully ignorant of the world's suffering. I looked fully in the mirror unafraid. At such an isolating time, there was something within my vessel that needed excavating. Thus began the project, Mirror Mirror. Like the narrative, through stream-of-consciousness meandering the room was transformed using various objects around my home. Timelapse photography, light projectors, and careful placement of meaningful objects were techniques used in this improvised installation. After it was all set up, the sun was down. Looking at what I created, it felt as if I had brought the room of my mind into reality. The next evening I decided to film an improvised experimental music performance in the room, which was my way of sanctifying the piece of work. I lit the candles and let them burn out.



In addition to the timelapse footage of the room and the performance, I had self-portrait photos and videos recently taken that were marked by a very painful time of heartbreak and resurfacing of trauma for me. In the editing process, I was able to put myself into the room I created, conquering space and time through the endless possibilities that video editing provides. Putting everything together was a very intense experience. It was a complete enmeshment with my own sounds, room, face, voice and words. Something softened in me through working with these layers of myself which I used to fear and loathe. During my self-excavation, I found the significance of beginning again and the power of our own resilience. The point where we do find the strength to begin again is beautiful. It's the kind of spark that can only be found within ourselves and not anything or anyone externally. It is hope in its purest form.